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The Other Other Ferry Operation

Nearly 50 years on, the story of the Piranha Brothers is still relevant – inspiring, even. After real slots on notional ferries and notional slots on real ferries, The Other Other Ferry Operation could be a turning point… 

Ministers had argued that actual bookings (as opposed to options) were not required because the ferries wouldn’t be very busy in November. And if a significant number of lorries were e.g. stuck in France waiting to get through le douane, then the ferries would be even less busy than usual.

It could also be argued that if every warehouse in the UK is already full of Brussels sprouts, frozen turkeys and biodegradable tinsel in November, there would be nowhere to put any more imported stuff anyway. So actually booking expensive ferry slots might represent poor value for money for the British taxpayer (always uppermost in the mind of everyone involved in this exercise).

But this approach is definitely not a cheap way to create the illusion of actually doing something.  Or anything to do with UK Government embarrassment about being taken to court and ending up £33m in the hole after the last attempt. (Although apparently if Eurotunnel don’t spend the money on improving their facilities it will be clawed back, somehow.)

So it will all work out brilliantly in the end, just like the Berlin Airlift (and not anything like the Luftwaffe attempting to resupply Stalingrad by air).

No-deal Brexit vital freight carriers shortlisted

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy – another demoralising 40th anniversary

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is 40 years old, which is a slightly depressing thought… However it’s a welcome reminder that the good old days of British TV offered more than racist sitcoms and so-called light entertainment which was about as light and entertaining as a poorly made suet pudding (occasionally interrupted by Dr Who and a teenaged David Attenborough). With every episode of I, Claudius  ‘balanced’ by multiple repeats of Up Pompeii! (Please note, that “!” is not an expression of my surprise or alarm, the programme title had an exclamation mark. One of several often overlooked parallels with Apocalypse Now!)
 
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy was notoriously perplexing at the time, basically because it actually expected the audience to pay attention. Although to be fair, there are lots of characters and stuff happening, and the plot is pretty convoluted. I had to read part of the book twice recently to convince myself that there isn’t a Big Sleep sized plot hole in the middle, which there isn’t.
 
This nationwide puzzlement was not helped by limited ownership of VCRs in 1979 (not surprising given they cost about £4k each in today’s money) but the BBC broadcast each episode twice a week to give viewers some hope of working it all out.  The book is even more complex so reading it didn’t always help and it defintely wasn’t like a virtual box set without pictures.
 
Finally available in high definition on blu ray, a good transfer according to reviews on Amazon.
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy: 40 years on, the labyrinthine thriller is still TV caviar
The BBC adaptation of John Le Carré’s novel mystified a nation – but also featured one of the greatest performances ever delivered on the small screen

Fading careers and retirement options, from Quentin Tarantino FFS

When young upstart Quentin Tarantino makes a mature film about fading careers and retirement options, it’s surely enough to make anyone feel old…
 
Once upon a time in Hollywood is engaging from the outset – looks great with lovingly recreated period detail, an ace soundtrack and inevitably, a certain amount of gratuitous violence. And swearing. Excellent performances from Leonardo di Caprio, Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie plus some entertaining cameos (hardcore Bruce Lee fans may not be impressed). 
The star of South Park season 2 is more of an off-screen presence, with a sense of threat building throughout. 
 
Definitely one for the big screen, comfortable seats are advisable (again).
 
 
 

No deal would literally make Christmas come early

No deal B****t would literally make Christmas come early for British consumers. However, thanks to the whole ‘good news is no news’ mindset, this heartwarming story has been buried or somehow given a negative spin. Is it any wonder that people don’t trust the media these days?

Any salad or yoghurt shortages would be insignificant as the UK tucks in early to much-loved Christmas fare (other seasonal holdays are available).

And the sense of warmth and well-being from an extended festive season would inevitably boost collective health – much better than flu vaccine. Not that there is any risk of medical supplies running short, of course.

After some suitably alarming surprises on Halloween, the prolonged festivites would let everyone slide gently into December, before rising to the exciting challenges of the New Year. And if anyone finds the C-word difficult, spreading Yuletide stress over two months has got to be better than cramming it into one intense week.

Midsommar – valuable lessons about cultural sensitivity

Midsommar brings us some very useful lessons about cultural sensitivity.

Essentially, visitors should behave respectfully towards local customs and traditions.  Otherwise they may not get a positive response – there may even be some hostility.

Even though the traditional community-based approach to senior care might not go down too well with CQC.

Also, herbal products can have unexpected side-effects – remember that “natural” doesn’t always mean “healthy”. Magic mushrooms do not seem to cure jet lag. And if you’re invited to some sort of obscure folk festival, make sure you’ve seen ‘The Wicker Man’.

Very engaging, thoroughly recommended for all ages between 18 and 72…

Unusually, there are fewer spoilers in Peter Bradshaw’s review than in the official trailer.

Dead friendship tree is not a symbol of French/US relations

Perhaps in a profound metaphor for the eternal cycle of life and death, a replacement for Emmanuel Macron’s late “friendship tree” is on its way (reincarnated as a birch tree this time around).

Macron has confirmed that the “friendship tree” he presented as a gift to the White House last year has died in quarantine, and that a replacement has been sent.

The original oak tree from Belleau Wood was uprooted from the White House lawn, wrapped in plastic and placed into quarantine once media attention moved on – apparently this quarantine process is “mandatory for any living organism imported into America” which is worth bearing in mind when planning future holidays, especially as the tree died in quarantine.
President Macron insists that a dead tree and a yellow patch of grass does not symbolise the relationship between France and the USA – it’s not a drama. Which presumably means it isn’t a psychodrama either.

HS2 needs rethinking – but perhaps not like this…

HS2 needs rethinking, according to a recent report from The House of Lords Economic Affairs Committee. Apparently, HS2 isn’t going so well.

To reduce the risk of cost overruns on HS2, their Lordships propose joining it up with Crossrail. That’s the same Crossrail that does not yet have a confirmed target date for full operation. (Spoiler alert: it won’t be December 2018).

Perhaps the NAO should check the distribution for their recent Crossrail report… Sir Amyas Morse was very keen to point out to MPs that he works for Parliament (not the Civil Service) and last time I checked, Parliament still includes the House of Lords.

So, to reduce risk in one project of concern, we should integrate it with another project. Of course we should.

Multiple choice time: if you integrate two projects together is this likely to:

  1. Reduce overall risk; or
  2. Increase overall risk?

If you chose (a), despite the slightly leading question, would you choose a second project with a slightly dodgy history of risk management?

Alternatively,  perhaps 19% / £2.8 billion over budget doesn’t sound too bad by HS2 standards so anything might be an improvement.  Neither alternative is encouraging for the UK taxpayer.



Completing Crossrail – complex & challenging

Completing Crossrail – after that encouraging and optimistic title,  once again the NAO goes all “glass half empty”. Actual trains may be very infrequent so far, but to be fair we’ve been treated to some really cool videos of tunnelling machines.

Crossrail started in the 1970s and the 21st century iteration is now unstoppable, because large tunnels have been dug underneath London and no-one knows what else to do with them. Opportunities for repurposing as some sort of vegetable stockpiling facility or ferry terminal seem to have gone away, temporarily at least. Perhaps there’s scope to convert them to luxury bunkers ahead of the apocalypse. 

The Crossrail programme was ‘absolutely dominated’ by completion in December 2018 and everything was focused on that completion date, apart from adopting a programme management approach which could actually deliver it. When this milestone was (inevitably) missed, it was all too unbearable and the team are now refusing to admit when a full service will run. None of the Underground lines currently in operation is named after a living monarch, and Crossrail seem determined to uphold this tradition.

The NAO make some radical suggestions in ‘Completing Crossrail’: unrealistic and arbitrary milestones can be counterproductive and actually end up causing delay ; an ‘aspirational plan’ has limitations in terms of actually helping to achieve any useful results; and the critical path should take account of interdependencies across the whole programme. Fortunately, this seems to be a unique set of circumstances and similar issues are unlikely to occur elsewhere.

On the plus side, everyone admitted from the start that this project would be complex and challenging and it’s only 19% over budget (so far). Key lessons about risk have also been learned – commiting to an actual delivery date means people inevitably start banging on about slippage, so the current open-ended approach seems more prudent.

Llamapalooza

 

Llamapalooza – be calmer with a llama? Socialising with llamas has been reducing pre-exam stress among university students. In California.

Llamas differ from humans in many ways – as well as their soft wooly coats, llamas have good social skills and are calming to be around in stressful situations. Their reputation for spitting is undeserved – according to one animal behaviour specialist, you would have to be, like, “super in its face and irritate it for a llama to spit at you”. The average llama has a limited vocabulary, so perhaps this is an understandable response.

Llamapalooza seems to be a popular and effective approach to stress relief  for the students and apart from Lorenzo (aka Zoe) feeling “overwhelmed”, the llamas seem contented with the arrangement. Apparently they get plenty of grass (now legal in California) and the occasional carrot. Although if they were bored or mildly dissatisfied, it might be difficult to tell.

Hubris

Extensive research has shown that hubris has a strong correlation with schadenfreude, to the extent that a robust causal relationship can often be identified.

However, this effect is significantly less frequent in the hubristic subject themselves.